Can We Find The Confidence To Make It Through The Storm?
What is the one thing you need when faced with losing the one you love?
When a relationship comes crashing down around us, we’re faced with a period of introspection. We look over the relationship with a jaundiced eye and judge everything from a different perspective. We say to ourselves: ” I should have seen the signs” or “How could I have been so naive”. We’re mortally wounded, mentally devastated and we question everything within us.
A break up is a mind altering event. It brings the ultimate degree of negative feelings flooding into our psyche. If it was the result of an affair by the other person, as many break ups are, our confidence in ourselves and our world is shaken to the foundation. How well we get through this period of mental anguish and the depth of the scars we will carry in our hearts is determined, in a big way, by the confidence we have in ourselves.
Many people lack self confidence. It isn’t their fault and it may be the reason they had problems in the relationship to begin with. Especially, as often happens, if a person with a lack of self confidence gets into a relationship with someone who is overconfident. Self confidence is honed when we make decisions with successful outcomes. If we have allowed someone else to make our decisions for us most of our lives, we won’t have properly acquired the skills necessary to come through a traumatic experience like a break up as well as someone who has made decisions for themselves most of their lives. Problem solving teaches us rationalization. We quickly learn, as small children, that you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole. It isn’t rational. Knowing this small thing gives us a certain degree of confidence.
When a break up happens, our confidence can be tested and we can often find ourselves making personal decisions that aren’t rational. If the relationship is truly over, no matter who is responsible, or how bruised you heart may be, let it go, so that you can begin healing and move on with your life.
It isn’t rational to pursue a relationship that is so badly damaged that their is no hope of salvation. It isn’t smart to spend positive time contemplating revenge or making up reasons to pursue the other person for no rational reason. It is, in fact, self destructive.
It’s at this very moment you need to find the confidence in yourself to accept things for the way they are and move on to the next positive phase of your life, remembering the old adage that “It’s always darkest before the dawn”. If you don’t, and you continually wallow in your misery, your scars may become so deep that they never heal and they will negatively affect every relationship you enter into for the rest of your life creating perpetual unhappiness for you and anyone that’s unfortunate enough to come into your life romantically.
Learn from this experience too and gain confidence from having acquired the lessons that life has thrust upon you even though they were painfully taught. Remember, in life it’s confidence that gets mountain climbers to the highest peak and sailors across the most formidable oceans. They reach inside to find it when they need it. You can too.